Thursday, January 06, 2005

 

German: The Ugliest Fucking Language Ever

I don't speak German myself. Know why? Because it's a fucking ugly-ass language. I've studied a lot of languages in my life--French, Russian, Kiswahili, Tibetan, Swedish--and nothing is sounds more like someone is trying to shove shards of broken glass into your ears than German. Fuck, the German language is even uglier than traditional German clothes, like lederhosen and dirndls.

Not surprisingly, the Gaede family really like it, in particular, Hubby Mark Neufeldt. As one of our readers has informed us, Mark, a Gulf War veteran, has a daughter from a previous marriage (and they call blacks promiscuous!) named Sandy. Sandy had some trouble in her local Bakersfield school because they did not have English as a Second Language classes to meet her needs. Why would Sandy need to take ESL? Because Mark's made sure that up until now, she's only learned--you guessed it--German! In fact, Mark and April are both fluent German speakers.

But, as they put it: "The daughter of a White guy who served his country in the U.S. military is shunned, but Illegal Mexican kids can learn English with the help of our tax dollars! Isn't there something wrong with this picture?"

Well, yeah. Also, the many legal Latin folks that also served in their country in the U.S. military can afford their kids the opportunity to learn English too. But you're right, douchebags, there is something wrong with this picture: California has a fucking assload of Spanish speakers (the U.S. has about 40 million) and only a handful of German speakers. Why the fuck would your school district offer ESL for German-speaking kids over Spanish-speaking? According to them, however, "non-Whites squander tax money through low test scores, free school lunches, and dropping out of school." But you know what they don't squander it on? Teaching fucking ESL to Hitler Youth!

You can see, then, dear reader, why it is with great pride that I tell Mark, April, and Sandy: "Speak English, assholes!"

Comments:
Actually, you are writing in a Germanic language right now.

It's all in the ears of the listener. If Heidi Klum were whispering sweet nothings to me, I'm sure I'd like the sound of that.
 
English is, in fact, considered a Germanic language.
 
Dude, you are being unfair. I can see the point that you are making, but what right do you have to call german the ugliest language ever, when you don't even speak it?! Anyway, English is closely connected to German, sojust lay off the innocent language, OK?
 
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