Thursday, December 16, 2004

 

Prussian Blue: Youngest Wash-ups Ever

Typically artists--or in this case, talentless hacks and name-stealers like Prussian Blue--have to get famous before they wash up. Not so with Lynx and Lamb. They know that even little girls can be washed up without reaching fame first. All it takes is a couple of instruments, a vicious, promiscuous stage mom, and a healthy lack of talent, all bound up together by a genocidal dream. Just look at "their" album. Three songs are by Lamb, out of twelve. Technically, one of those is credited to Lamb and April (Mama Hitler), but if you look at its lyrics compared to Lamb's solo work, it's pretty evident which one of the two had the greater hand in crafting it. That would knock it down to two songs by Lamb, two-and-a-half at best. None by Lynx. There are actually more songs by Ian Stuart on it (a full four). So much for April's "many originals." Perhaps they are even more like Mary-Kate and Ashley than we ever suspected.

Like Michael Crichton? Then you'll love "Lo," a track from the film adaptation of his book 13th Warrior. Hey April-- hope you got the license for that.

However, if you love a good(?) German folk song, or just lots of songs talking about Valhalla and Valkyries, then maybe the CD is for you after all. I might buy it myself, just so I can hear the twins sing, "And still it sickens my heart to see a picture of the red flag in Berlin," since the Soviets did kick so much Nazi ass.* That's why the red flag of the international working class flying proudly over the Reichstag* is featured on the banner of this very site. Who knows-- maybe we'll switch out some of the graphics for Hitler killing himself.*

* There's nothing more fun than gloating about how the South lost the Civil War--except gloating about how the reds smashed fascism in Europe.

What could explain such an early wash-up? The internet is a-buzz with rumors. One suggests that April is simply pushing her daughters too hard. Another is that Lamb is going through the "Drew Barrymore Phase" normally exclusive to child stars, already so drug-addled (see left) that it is somehow affecting her already scant performance abilities. Yet a third rumor suggests a combination of the first two: April is feeding her daughters drugs to increase their obedience and susceptibility to the warped propaganda of the National Alliance. If the drug rumors are true, will Lamb seek help? Perhaps the more important question is, will her mother allow her? She might not be too keen on letting the milk money to dry up.

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